The Ultimate Crossover
by Lioma Darksong
Summary: Lots of random characters? Check. Lots of random movietvetc bashings? Check. Omnipotent author? Check. Author's daily sugar intake? See for youself.
1. Mel, Keanu and James Bond! Oh My!

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DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written out of boredom, or on an MSN high. You'd need to ask the one that wrote the start of this what it really was... It could have been a multitude of things... Pipeweed... SpARkilY snOW... God knows... 

The start of this story was written by Jedi Pikachu, but then she got bored of it and I took over. I thought it was too priceless to not add to! I'll try to add to it as often as I can and I hope you like it! 

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them! 

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The Ultimate Crossover - Part 1 : Mel, Keanu and James Bond! Oh My! 

Setting: Coliseum Gladiator Times.... 

The crowds are hushed...waiting to see the great Maximus emerge from the depths of the tunnel... 

A whiney sounds and all the heads turn towards it...waiting... 

Suddenly a white horse gallops out and everyone cheers loudly... 

CROWDS: MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS! 

They stop confused. 

There upon the horse is not the great Gladiator but.......... 

DR.GREEN: YAY! I'm a Gladiator!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

MAXIMUS: What the-? That crazy dude stole my horse! 

DR.GREEN: No I didn't. 

MAXIMUS: Yes you did!!! 

Maximus pulls out a sword a quickly swipes off Dr. Green's head 

MAXIMUS: Yippee! I killed the evil doctor! Haha! 

The whole crowd starts singing. 

CROWD: Ding-dong! The Doctor's Dead! 

Maximus dances around throwing rose petals. 

Emperor of Rome: I always knew he was an odd one! 

Emperor PALPATINE: Tell me about it. 

Maximus continues to dance looking like the idiot we all know Russell Crow-er Maximus is. 

Then, from behind the gay, dancing Gladiator appears... 

Keanu Reeves?? 

KEANU: Haha! Take this you crazy old hag! 

Proceeds to start performing some really cool moves, totally Matrix-ish, torturing Russel-er Maximus with each blow. 

Maximus lies panting and bruised on the floor of the coliseum. 

MAXIMUS: Mr. Reeves...please...violence doesn't solve anything! 

KEANU: Wanna bet? 

Holds a gun to his head and kills him. 

KEANU: (cockily) That solves one of THIS world's problems.... 

EVIL VOICE: Oh really? I can think of another... 

KEANU (scared): Wha? NONONONONNONONON!!!!! NOT YOU!!! YOU'RE MY IDOL!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHKKK---! 

MEL GIBSON: Braveheart triumphs again. 

MAXIMUS: Braveheart?? Where?? 

MEL: Shut up you're dead. 

MAXIMUS: Yes Master. 

MEL: Master? 

MAXIMUS: I adore your battle tactics! We could make a great team! 

MEL: Indeed! Now shut up! 

EMPEROR OF ROME: Mel Gibson.... cool. 

EMPEROR OF ROME'S SISTER: Mr. Gibson! Do you know what I'm thinking right now? Tee hee. 

MEL: Sorry baby. A Patriot never talks about such dirty things! 

EMPEROR OF ROME'S SISTER: Oh...you're such a tease! 

MEL: I know. 

Suddenly Voices are heard from down the tunnel. 

From in the depths emerges.......... 

MEL: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It's SPOCK!!!!! 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: SPOCK!? WHERE?! Stupid trekky... 

VOICE: Somebody stab him! 

MAXIMUS: As a loyal SW fan.... I will! 

Spears him through the heart. 

CROWD: YOU'RE DEAD! 

MAXIMUS: Sorry. 

KEANU: Er...is it just me or do we need some grrrl power out here? Heck, even The Matrix had a semi-good female sex symbol- er.... side kick. 

MEL: That gal was hot! 

KEANU: Oh I know. 

MEL: Ahem! 

KEANU: I know, I know. I'm dead. Bye-bye! 

EMPEROR OF ROME: Do you hear that? 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: I do...sounds like......... 

EMPEROR OF ROME: A bunch of screaming women with PMS? 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: Indeed... 

From the tunnel emerges a group of fierce females: Angelina Jolie, Princess Leia, Mary Poppins and last but most certainly least, the woman who got pregnant pre-marriage.... Elizabeth. 

P. LEIA: What's with all the dead hotties? 

MARY POPPINS: DEAD PEOPLE?? WHERE??!! 

ANJOLINA: Look around you freaky woman... 

MARY POPPINS: Gasps Is that Maximus the famous general?! 

MAXIMUS: Yes... it's me.... 

MARY POPPINS: Oh no! Who did this! You're my hero! Baby. Here, some medicine to make you come back to life! 

MAXIMUS: Yay! 

Takes a sip 

MAXIMUS: EEWWW!! Oh Rome! What is this... Crap? 

MARY POPPINS: Something that will make you feels all better! 

MAXIMUS: But it tastes gross! 

MARY POPPINS: Sing with me now...Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down! The medicines go down! In the most delightful way! 

MAXIMUS: But there is no sugar! 

MARY POPPINS: DO I GIVE A CRAP?? NO! Now DRINK! 

MAXIMUS: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! 

ELIZABETH: Oh Mary! Might I please have some medicine for my precious hubby? 

MARY: sure. Here. 

ELIZABETH: Oh thank you! My darling...drink this! 

Grabs Dr. Green's head and tries to shove it down his throat. 

ELIZABETH: frantically It's not working! Why not? 

MEL: Sweetheart, when someone gets their head chopped off...they AIN'T comin back...believe me. 

ELIZABETH: WHAT? NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! 

Grabs sword. 

MAXIMUS: Hey! That's mine! 

ELIZABETH: May my lover and I go down in history as a tragical couple. Like Romeo and Juliet.......... 

She stabs her self. 

P. LEIA: Well, at least that's one dead female in this coliseum. That's a first for the women. 

ANJELINA: Indeed. 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: Hey! That's my word! 

ANJELINA: Stuff it! This is Laura Croft you're talking to here...DON'T mess with me! 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: meekly I won't. 

MEL: Might I make me a comment? Tragical is not a word. It was a reference created by the Backstreet Boys in their song Shape Of My Heart and is not in the dictionary. 

P.LEIA: Oh well. Then she and her husband were both idiots. 

ANGELINA: Amen to that. 

Out of nowhere, a helicopter zooms in. From the cockpit of the helicopter, a lone man jumps out. 

CROWD: It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No it's - 

MAN: Bond, James Bond. 

Everyone: GASP!!! 

P. LEIA: Look at him! He sooooo hot!!! He's much better then Luke! 

MARY: I do agree... He is quite the looker. 

All the girls in the coliseum run over to JAMES' side and fawn over him. 

ANGELINA: Oh James... 

JAMES: Well girls, I'm really flattered, but... 

Out of nowhere Keanu jumps up and does a Matrix style kick at James' head. James falls back stunned. That might have killed a regular man, but this is James Bond! 

JAMES: Weren't you dead a minute ago? 

KEANU: Yes. But I am The One remember. Nothing can kill me in this world. 

MEL: But this IS the real world! 

KEANU: Oh yea. 

Keanu falls to the ground dead, again. 

JAMES: Well that was odd... Why was he attacking me anyways? 

ANGELINA: He was probably just jealous because you get all the girls because of your sexy British accent. 

JAMES: Well I wouldn't call it sexy... Classy is more my word... 

GIRLS: OOOOOhh... 

MEL: This is getting ridiculous. 

MEL takes out his cool looking cannon from The Patriot and blows off James' head just like in the Patriot. 

KEANU: Well that another problem gone from this world. 

MEL: You are dead remember? 

KEANU: Oh yea... 

Keanu falls to the ground again. 

MEL suddenly falls over as if he was pushed from below. 

A small hole appears below him and two small children (?) pop out. 

SAM: Oh dear Mister Frodo, this looks nothing like Middle Earth. 

FRODO: I don't think it is Sam... 

SAM: Dear, oh dear.. This is not good Master Frodo... 

LEIA: And... Who are you guys? 

FRODO: Oh, my greatest apologies. I am Frodo Baggins of Hobbiton and this is Mister Samwise Gamgee of Hobbiton. 

SAM bows as gracefully as a Hobbit can. 

MEL: Ummm... Right... 

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Concerning Hobbits

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DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written instead of studying for something. Probably a math test or something equally useless. I don't even remember anymore. 

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them! 

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The Ultimate Crossover - Part 2 : Concerning Hobbits 

Setting: Coliseum, Gladiator Times.... 

SAM: Well Frodo. Look what trouble you've walked us into today... 

FRODO: SAM! I DIDN'T DO THIS!! You were the one that used the map for a napkin! 

SAM: Well I had to use something Mister Frodo. I wasn't going to go about with crumbs all over my face, now was I? 

MEL: I have a question... Umm... What are you? And why are you here? 

FRODO: Did we not already tell you? 

SAM: I believe we did... 

FRODO and SAM turn to eachother and start to talk. 

SAM: I'm not trusting that one big person. He looks like an orc to me... 

SAM and FRODO look over their shoulders at MEL. 

FRODO: Let's check sting. It'll tell us if that big people is an orc. 

FRODO draws Sting. Sting shines a bright blue. FRODO and SAM gasp. 

SAM: So he is an orc then! We shall have to do away with him as soon as possible! 

MEL: Hey! Didn't I ask you a question over here! 

The hobbits turn and have an evil glare on their faces. Both have their swords drawn and are slowly walking towards MEL. 

MEL: Woah-kay... What happened to you fellows? You were all nice a second ago... 

FRODO and SAM: ORC!!! 

MAXIMUS: Oh no! They caught me! 

ALL turn to look at MAXIMUS. 

MAXIMUS: I mean... cough 

FRODO and SAM turn back to MEL and keep slowly walking forwards. MEL can do nothing but cry like a little sissy girl. Just when FRODO and SAM are about to stand MEL in various places the DRAGON FROM DRAGON HEART swoops down and saves MEL. 

MEL: WOHOO! See ya suckers! 

ALL: Aww... 

MEL: Thank you so much Dragon from Dragon Heart! 

DRAGON FROM DRAGON HEART: Actually, I didn't really save you... I just wanted to kill you for myself... 

In a single chomp the DRAGON FROM DRAGON HEART eats MEL up. 

MEL: Help! Please! I'll do anything! PLEASE!!! 

DRAGON FROM DRAGON HEART: Shut up in there! 

DRAGON FROM DRAGON HEART flies away from the scene because DARTH FLIRT (the writer) has no further use for him in the story. 

KEANU: Where did she come from? 

JAMES BOND: I quite agree... She did seem a little odd.. But at least she killed off that annoying Mel fellow.. 

KEANU: I agree... I never liked that "Mel" person... 

JAMES BOND: Me neither.. I mean... Blowing my head off? How un-cultured... 

KEANU: I agree... He could have done something far more tasteful then that! 

FRODO: Wait... Weren't you both dead a second ago? 

KEANU and JAMES BOND: Oh yea... Sorry! 

KEANU and JAMES BOND both fall down dead... again... 

FRODO: Why did they come back to life? 

P. LEIA: We don't know... I think it's part of the writer's evil plot to take over the world... 

MARY POPPINS: Oh don't be silly. They are broght back to life by my charming voice! 

ALL (except MARY POPPINS) shudder in unison. 

DARTH FLIRT: No no no! FOOLS! I bring them back to life to allow for comic relief for people that actually like those characters... Not like that's a bad thing of course... cough 

FRODO: Where did you come from? 

DARTH FLIRT: Oh, I'm writing this story. And I felt like popping in to allow the readers a break from this insanity. 

FRODO: Oh, I get it... 

SAM: I don't... pouts 

DARTH FLIRT: Oh shut up Sam. I you better watch it or I'll take you out of my story! 

SAM whimpers while holding FRODO. 

SAM: You won't let her take me... right Mister Frodo? 

FRODO gives SAM an odd look then nods in agreement. 

DARTH FLIRT: Eww... Anyways... Back to the story! I've finally thought of a plot! 

A brillant light appears and DARTH FLIRT disappears. 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: Well.. Thanks to an idea from that attractive Darth Flirt, I have a quest for you! 

DARTH FLIRT (from the clouds above the stadium): Eww... He thinks I'm hot... 

DARTH FLIRT zapps EMPEROR PALPATINE with the staff she stole from GANDALF. 

EMPEROR PALPATINE: Ow... 

GANDALF: So that's what happened to my staff... 

DARTH FLIRT: You can do the rest Emperor of Rome... 

EMPEROR OF ROME: Ok, thanks! Now... Where was he.. I have devised a quest for you go on! You must get my sister to sleep with me! 

DARTH FLIRT: Hey! That wasn't the plan! 

EMPEROR OF ROME: It wasn't? 

DARTH FLIRT: No! That's worse then Emperor Palpatine thinking I'm hot! Wait.. Nothing is worse then that... Oh well.. You'll still pay for your over grossness... Here... Go stick this fork in that socket over there. 

EMPEROR OF ROME: Ok! 

EMPEROR OF ROME walks over to socket and puts the fork in it. EMPEROR OF ROME gets zapped. 

DARTH FLIRT: Heh heh heh... Umm.. Now who will continue the plot... Hmm... Oh! I got it! 

The DIGIMON EMPEROR appears out of nowhere in the same spot as the EMPEROR OF ROME was standing. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Ok, here is your Quest... You must find the Golden Digi-Fleece so I can use it to take over the Digital World! 

The DIGIMON EMPEROR laughs manically. 

ALL: ... 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Yes... Anyways.. Some of you will be assigned to be in the "Fellowship of the Golden Sheep Skin" 

P. LEIA: Golden Sheep Skin? Couldn't you think of a better name? 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: I didn't think of it! Darth Flirt did! 

DARTH FLIRT: Do you have a problem with my name of the fellowship? 

P. LEIA: Well.. Yea.. 

DARTH FLIRT: Well.. You just ended your time in this fic... 

DARTH FLIRT shoots P. LEIA with the bow and arrows she stole from LEGOLAS. 

LEGOLAS: Hey! Give those back! 

DARTH FLIRT: Shut up gay elf-boy! Or you're next! 

LEGOLAS whimpers and backs off into a corner. Most of DARTH FLIRT'S FRIENDS go to comfort him. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Anyways... The Fellowship will consist of Frodo Baggins... 

FRODO: Aww crap.. not another one.. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...Samwise Gamgee... 

SAM: Wohoo! Mister Frodo! I get to come along too! 

FRODO: Aww crap.. not again.. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...Ikki and his Medabot Metabee.. 

IKKI: How did I get pulled into this? 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...TK and his digimon Patamon... 

TK looks up to see DARTH FLIRT wave at him playfully. TK shudders. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...Takato and his digimon Guilmon... 

GUILMON: Will there be peanutbutter there? 

DARTH FLIRT glares evily at GUILMON. GUILMON whimpers and hides in a corner. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...Ash and all of his Pokemon... 

PIKACHU: Pika! Pika-pikachu! 

ASH: Does anyone know what he's saying? 

TK: Aren't you supposed to know? 

ASH: Umm.... 

ASH runs into the corner crying. PIKACHU follows to comfort him. GUILMON tries to go too, but TAKATO makes him stop. 

TAKATO: No Digimon of MINE is going to comfort pokemon scum.. 

ASH cries some more. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...Lord Farquaad... 

LORD FARQUAAD: Yes! It's me! Bow before me! 

ALL look at LORD FARQUAAD. ALL start to laugh at his vertically challenged-ness. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...Luke Skywalker... 

LUKE SKYWALKER: Wohoo! Some one loves me up there! 

DARTH FLIRT: Umm... No, your wrong... I just needed someone to kill Boromir style! 

LUKE SKYWALKER starts to cry like a little baby. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: ...and finally Jar Jar Binks. 

ALL look evily at JAR JAR BINKS. 

JAR JAR: Mesa here to get dat sheep! 

ALL start to gangbeat JAR JAR BINKS to in a small bleeding corpse. 

JAR JAR: Mesa going bye bye now... 

JAR JAR slowly crawl out of the stadium. ALL laugh at him as he leaves. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Well.. Since Jar Jar Binks was rejected... We'll have to go to the spare, Natalie Portman! 

DARTH FLIRT: NEVER!! I HATE YOU NATALIE PORTMAN!! NO ONE KISSES HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN UNLESS IT'S ME!! 

DARTH FLIRT throws some of Zeus's lightning blots (conviently bought from Ebay) at NATALIE PORTMAN and zaps her into oblivion. DARTH FLIRT then hugs a picture of Hayden Christensen. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Hey! That was not called for! Who is going to replace her now? 

DARTH FLIRT: Umm... How about Heath Leadger? I can think of many amusing ways to kill him! 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Ok! Heath Ledger it is! 

HEATH: What! How could you want to kill me?! 

DARTH FLIRT: Oh come on! I'm sure ANYONE could answer that question! 

ALL (except HEATH and SAM) nodd in unison. 

HEATH goes off to cry in the corner with ASH. SAM goes to comfort him, but is distracted by FRODO bending over to pick up a bug. 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: Well.. Now you must go on your journey! I wish you all good luck! 

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. The Odyssey

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DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written out of spite. Yes that's right. Spite. Screw you, screw you all!!!!!!!!!!11!!11!1 

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them! 

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The Ultimate Crossover - Part 3 : The Odyssey 

Setting: Coliseum, Gladiator Times.... 

FRODO: Well.. We better be on our way now so I can get back to Middle Earth and throw this ring into Mount Doom. 

LORD FARQUAAD: Why would you like to throw away such a marvelous ring... 

LORD FARQUAAD slowly walks nearer and nearer to FRODO. LORD FARQUAAD can't get his eyes off the ring. 

SAM jumps in front of FRODO. 

SAM: You touch him, and I'll kill you... 

SAM draws his sword and holds it up and looks remotely dangerous. 

LORD FARQUAAD: I don't want Frodo! I want the ring! 

SAM: Don't lie to me! I'm aware of his charming good-looks and his smile that could melt you away. 

ALL stare at SAM in shock and general scared-ness. 

SAM: Well... Umm... 

SAM runs to the corner of the stadium crying. GUILMON tries to go comfort him, but TAKATO makes him stop. 

FRODO is outraged that LORD FARQUAAD made SAM cry. FRODO draws his sword and starts to attack LORD FARQUAAD visciously. 

After the assult LORD FARQUAAD lies there is a small bleeding corpse. 

TK: What was that for? 

FRODO: I don't know... I think it was the will of Darth Flirt.. 

TK: But why would she want him dead? 

DARTH FLIRT (from personal cloud): Well that's an easy question, my widdle TK! I didn't like him and he was rather annoying, and I'm sure no one actually appreciates him being around. Does that answer your question my widdle TK?! 

TK shudders at every "widdle TK" comment from DARTH FLIRT. TK then nods in agreement to stop the "widdle TK" comments. 

DARTH FLIRT: Very good.. Now lets get back to the story! 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: What did you do that for? Now who is going to replace Lord Farquaad! 

DARTH FLIRT: Why do we need someone to replace him? 

DIGIMON EMPEROR: BECAUSE WE DO!! 

DARTH FLIRT: NO WE DON'T! YOU BETTER WATCH IT OR I'LL KILL YOU OFF TOO!! 

DIGIMON EMPEROR whimpers and backs away into a corner. 

DARTH FLIRT: Aww... How could I kill you my widdle digimon emperor. 

DARTH FLIRT pinches DIGIMON EMPEROR's cheeks. DIGIMON EMPEROR backs away into the corner some more. 

DARTH FLIRT: Oh well... Anyways, I've decided that Jedi Pikachu will take Lord Farquaad's place. 

IKKI: Jedi Pikachu? I've never heard of him! 

DARTH FLIRT: Well.. saying as how SHE isn't a HE! Although I do wonder about her sometimes... 

MEDABEE: Then who is she! 

DARTH FLIRT: She is the orginal writer of this story. She wrote most of the part that makes no sence... although the fact that I'm bringing her back in makes no sense... Oh well! And just a warning... She is SCAREY! 

PATAMON: Oh I'm sure she isn't THAT scarey... 

DARTH FLIRT: That's what you think... 

DARTH FLIRT laughs to herself. 

DARTH FLIRT: Jedi Pikachu will meet you after a few days journey. You will have to go over the river to meet her. She is too lazy to move from there. 

ASH: Why is she too lazy to move? 

DARTH FLIRT: Well then there is a whole journey for you to get there that will take up a few more chapters. 

ASH: Ok! Well then lets go! 

ALL MEMBERS OF THE FELLOWSHIP leave the arena. 

SCENERY GUYS quickly come out and move the scenery by quuickly to make it look like the scenery is moving away as the FELLOWSHIP walks in place. 

FRODO: Why are there scenery guys? 

SCENERY GUY BOB: I dunno, but this is our job so LIVE WITH IT!! 

SAM glares evily at SCENERY GUY BOB because he yelled at FRODO. 

DARTH FLIRT: Woah... Chill Sam. I hired these scenery guys, calm down. And Scenery Guy Bob and Fred, please don't talk to the characters. 

SCENERY GUY FRED: Why? 

DARTH FLIRT: Because the budget of the fan fic to too small to actually take the chacters outside. 

SCENERY GUY BOB: Fan fics don't have budgets! 

SCENERY GUY FRED: Yeah! 

LUKE: Yeah! 

DARTH FLIRT: Stay out of this Luke! Don't make me smite you! 

LUKE whimpers and crawls behind TK. PATAMON attacks LUKE. LUKE runs behind TAKATO. GUILMON attacks LUKE. LUKE gives up and hides behind a small rock. Rock falls over revealing it as just a wood cut out. LUKE covers eyes to make him feel like he is hiding. 

IKKI: What was that about? 

DARTH FLIRT: I dunno... Luke wasn't getting any lines, so I thought I would torture him. 

IKKI: But I thought you were going to kill him? 

DARTH FLIRT: Well... Sometimes torture is much more entertaining... 

DARTH FLIRT gets an evil look in her eyes. 

DARTH FLIRT: Anywas... Bob and Fred... YOU'RE FIRED!!! You are wasting too much of this fics time! Plus I found out that by firing you I can get enough money to transport the Fellowship to the outdoors. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and SCENERY GUY BOB and SCENERY GUY FRED disappear. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps again and ALL MEMBERS OF THE FELLOWSHIP suddenly apper in the outdoors. 

DARTH FLIRT: Much better... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps again and she disappears. 

GUILMON: Where did Darthmon go to? 

TAKATO: I dunno... 

ASH: Oh well. Let's get moving! We have to get to the harbor by dark! 

LUKE: Harbor? Where did this come from? 

ASH: I dunno... The idea just came to me... It was probably Darth Flirt. 

LUKE: Yea... probably... 

ASH: Anyways... Let's go! 

THE FELLOWSHIP march onwards through the day. Much was said during this time, but DARTH FLIRT only thought the part about SAM and FRODO gang beating LUKE because he whined too much was amusing. Unfortunately, for the sake of you LUKE FANS that part won't be added in. 

LUKE FANS: Hey! No bashing Luke! 

DARTH FLIRT waves her hand and the LUKE FANS turn into MIMES. 

DARTH FLIRT: AHHHH!! WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! 

DARTH FLIRT uses the CURSE OF KING TUT'S TOMB to get rid of the MIMES. 

DARTH FLIRT: Phew... that was a close one... 

DARTH FLIRT remembers that there is a story going on now, so she gets back to it. 

THE FELLOWSHIP arrives at the harbor just as night falls. 

TK: We have to get on to a boat tonight so we can get to the other side sooner! 

LUKE: But why? Can't we stay here tonight? There is a nice bar over there! 

LUKE points to a bar that mysterourly appears. 

LUKE: Plus, we might be able to find a boat that leaves tonight! 

FRODO: Great idea! I would love to get back to Middle Earth soon! For once you thought of a _good_ idea! 

THE FELLOWSHIP walks into the mysterous bar. It looks oddly like the bar from Cheers. No one seems to notice except for a very amused DARTH FLIRT. 

In the corner sits a man who looks oddly like STRIDER. 

SAM: Look over there! It's Strider! 

FRODO: Yes! Your right! 

SAM: Maybe he can help us Master Frodo! 

FRODO: Maybe! 

FRODO and SAM walk over to the STRIDER-LIKE GUY. 

FRODO: Strider! How wonderful it is to see a friendly face in such a foriegn land! 

STRIDER-LIKE GUY: Who is this "Strider" you speak of? I have never heard of him. 

STRIDER-LIKE GUY pulls down his hood and is.... 

GEORGE CLOONEY: I'm George Clooney, not "Strider" 

FRODO: Such a pity, I was hoping it would be Strider so that we could find a way from here to the other shore. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Well, That I can do! I happen to be the captian of a Swordfish ship! I would gladly take you across the river! I leave at 10:00 tonight! 

SAM: Wonderful! I'll go tell the others! 

SAM runs off to tell THE REST OF THE FELLOWSHIP that they have a way across. This leaves FRODO and GEORGE CLOONEY alone in the corner. 

FRODO: Soo... Why were you dressed like Strider? 

GEORGE CLOONEY: I dunno... I just sort of appreared here wearing this... 

FRODO: Must have been a trick of that Darth Flirt again... 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Darth Flirt? 

FRODO: Oh yes... She is the one writing this fic 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Hmm... That explains alot. 

SAM runs back. 

SAM: Mister Frodo! Mister Frodo! The rest agree to go with him! But can we leave earlier? 

GEORGE CLOONEY: How much earlier? 

SAM: Perhaps now? 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Well.. I do have to stock up my ship still... 

DARTH FLIRT: Don't worry about it. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and a ship full of supplies appears in the harbor. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Wow... that was cool! 

DARTH FLIRT: I know.. I'm just so amazingly wonderful at that! 

ALL stare at DARTH FLIRT with an odd look. 

DARTH FLIRT: Well what are you standing around for? You have a ship to get on so that I can end this part of the fic! 

TK: Oh right. 

THE FELLOWSHIP (along with GEORGE CLOONEY) walk over to the ship. 

THE FELLOWSHIP (along with GEORGE CLOONEY) get onto the ship. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Well.. Off we go! 

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. The UnPerfect Storm

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DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written out nothing but paperclips, broken staples and a whole lot of glue sticks. 

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them! 

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The Ultimate Crossover - Part 4 : The Un-Perfect Storm 

Setting: Darth Flirt's mysterous ship (AKA the S.S. Minnow) on the river... 

SAM: Yo ho, yo ho! A Pirate's life for me! 

FRODO: Sam! I thought you hated water! 

SAM: I do, but I feel safe with him at the helm. 

SAM points in the direction of GEORGE CLOONEY. GEORGE CLOONEY is wearing his underwear on his head. FRODO stands there stunned. GEORGE CLOONEY looks back at him and smiles crazily. FRODO gets a very frightening look on his face. GEORGE CLOONEY look back to the water ahead of him and turns the motor on. 

THE BOAT startes to go forwards a little but then abruptly stops. 

LUKE: What was that? 

ALL look to see DARTH FLIRT standing there.... Next to the rope from the boat tied to the dock. 

DARTH FLIRT laughs to herself and mumbles something about fire, morons, and a feather-less duck. 

DARTH FLIRT: Anyways... I can't let you go yet! I need to let you meet the crew! 

LUKE: But I thought we were the crew? 

DARTH FLIRT: No you're not. Have you even ever _been_ on water Luke? 

LUKE: Well.. Umm... 

LUKE runs off to the corner of the boat crying like a baby (again). DARTH FLIRT laughs to herself. 

DARTH FLIRT: Anyways... back to your crew. It will consist of Bill Gates... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and BILL GATES appears. 

DARTH FLIRT: ...Gigolo Joe... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and GIGOLO JOE appears. 

DARTH FLIRT: ...Mr. Evil... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and DR. EVIL apears. 

DR. EVIL: That's DOCTOR Evil! I didn't spend ten years in Evil Medical School to be called Mister! 

DARTH FLIRT: ...and Kermit the Frog. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and KERMIT THE FROG appears. 

DARTH FLIRT: Well.. Now off ya go. This fic is going to be long enough without you hanging around here! GO!! 

With a wave of DARTH FLIRT's hand the ship sets off. 

GIGOLO JOE: No! Come back Darth Flirt! I can show you the stars!! 

DARTH FLIRT shudders. 

GIGOLO JOE: Oh well.. I'm sure there are other good paying customers on this ship! 

GIGOLO JOE looks around at his companions. 

GIGOLO JOE: Oh crap... 

MEDABOT: Hey Joe! You don't look very human to me. 

GIGOLO JOE: That's because I'm not human. I'm a mecha designed to give pleasure. 

MEDABOT: A mecha? Like a robot! Cool! I'm a robot too! 

IKKI: No really. I'm pretty sure he's figured that one out. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Pleasure? What kind of pleasure do you give? 

GIGOLO JOE: I'd be happy to show you... 

DARTH FLIRT: Ok! Stop right there! This fic is rated PG-13, NOT NC-17! 

GIGOLO JOE: Aww... Come on. It'll be fun! 

DARTH FLIRT: No Joe, No. 

GIGOLO JOE: Aww.. please? I can take you to places you've never been... 

DARTH FLIRT: Hmm... that does sound intriguing... WAIT! NO! STOP IT OR I'LL FEED YOU TO JAWS!! 

JAWS THEME SONG starts playing. JAWS's fin can be seen just trailing the boat. 

GIGOLO JOE jumps into DR. EVIL's arms. 

GIGOLO JOE: Save me! Please! 

DR. EVIL: Get off of me you lazy-eyed psycho! 

DR. EVIL throws GIGOLO JOE out of his arms and into the ocean. 

DARTH FLIRT: Nice one Dr. Evil. 

DR. EVIL: Thanks. I stole that one from my son. 

DARTH FLIRT and DR. EVIL carry on their conversation as GIGOLO JOE is riped apart by JAWS. Once GIGOLO JOE is fully mutilated, JAWS sinks below the view of the FELLOWSHIP and the JAWS THEME SONG stops. 

DARTH FLIRT: Hey! Where did Joe go? 

TK: He was eaten by Jaws. 

DARTH FLIRT: Ah good. Less killing by me then. Anyways... I have to go conjure up a storm to sink this ship and kill George Clooney because he pisses me off far too much. 

ALL stare at DARTH FLIRT. 

DARTH FLIRT: I mean... 

DARTH FLIRT coughs and disapears. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Well, now that she's gone I'm going to make you all work! 

GEORGE CLOONEY laughs manically. ALL stare at GEORGE CLOONEY. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: I'm going to make you all go swordfish fishing. That way Darth Flirt has some time to conjure up a storm. 

GEORGE CLOONEY laughs manically again. ALL stare at GEORGE CLOONEY. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Now get to work! 

ALL start working to catch Swordfish. And mysteriously everyone knows what to do. 

KERMIT THE FROG: Hey! What are you doing! I'm not bait! 

HEATH: You are now! 

HEATH hooks KERMIT THE FROG up and throws him over board. 

DARTH FLIRT: Heath Ledger? When did he come in? 

DARTH FLIRT checks the end second part of her story. 

DARTH FLIRT: Oh yea! I remember you now! I'll have to remember to give you lines now... Or perhaps I'll just kill you off like the rest of the cast of this story. 

HEATH runs to the corner to cry. SAM tries to go comfort him, but is distracted by FRODO leaning over to pick up some rope. 

DARTH FLIRT laughs to herself and then disappears once again to finish creating her storm. 

BILL GATES: This #$# Computer! Why won't it work! 

ASH: Maybe it's because it's running on Windows XP? 

BILL GATES: Nooo... My system is perfect! Nothing could go wrong on it! 

DARTH FLIRT(to readers): Don't worry. He'll pay for that later. 

BILL GATES: Pay for what? 

BILL GATES wanders around confused. 

Suddenly, before the small boat a HUGE storm appears before them! 

ALL: GASP!! 

The STORM mysteriously turns purple and green and yellow and bright pink. 

ALL stare in amazement at this unusual storm. 

DARTH FLIRT: Stupid crappy spell... Why isn't the storm scarey and dark and menacing!! 

DARTH FLIRT shakes her fist at the storm. 

DARTH FLIRT: Wait a minute... I could have some fun with this storm... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps her fingers and disapears. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Ok everyone!! We have to go through the storm to get to the other side of the river! Shall we go? 

HEATH: I don't think we should... 

EVERYONE ELSE: Of course we should! 

HEATH: Fine, get us all killed. See what I care! 

DARTH FLIRT: Don't worry Heath, I need you around still. I need someone to kill in the next chapter. 

HEATH goes to cry in the corner. SAM tries to go comfort him, but is distracted by FRODO leaning over. 

GEORGE CLOONEY: Ok everyone! Time to go through the storm! 

The S.S. MINNOW starts slowly making it's way into the storm. 

DARTH FLIRT: This is taking too long. 

DARTH FLIRT makes the boat suddenly appear in the middle of the storm. 

DARTH FLIRT: Now the fun begins! 

THE STORM rages around the S.S. MINNOW. Waves cover the ship and everyone on it is scared for their life. 

SAM: I'm scared for my life Mr. Frodo! 

FRODO: From the storm? 

SAM: No! From Darth Flirt! 

DARTH FLIRT laughs manically. 

The storm suddenly changes it's color to BRIGHT EYE-PEIRCING PINK! 

ALL: OW MY EYES!! 

DARTH FLIRT puts on sunglasses and laughs to herself. 

While everyone is blinded, DARTH FLIRT changes the storm once again. 

Windows and Computers are flying all over! 

BILL GATES: NOOO!! It's that dream again! 

DARTH FLIRT: It's not a dream this time! 

A computer comes charging at BILL GATES and nocks him over board. 

DARTH FLIRT: THAT was for SCREWING UP MY COMPUTER!! 

A giant window comes crashing down on the now surfacing BILL GATES, draging him under and killing him. 

DARTH FLIRT: And that was just because I'm a cruel person. 

DARTH FLIRT laughs to herself once again as she changes the storm once more. 

This time lightning covers the sky and zaps the ship! 

ALL: AHHHH!!!! 

ALL start to convulse. DARTH FLIRT laughs to herself. 

DARTH FLIRT: This is too funny. 

The storm starts to change again, this time it looks like an actual storm! 

DARTH FLIRT: Wohoo! The storm is working now! Now to let the storm do it's work. 

The storm tosses the boat about throwing every member of the FELLOWSHIP into the water. 

FELLOWSHIP: AHHH!!! 

Suddenly a HUGE wave covers the boat with DR. EVIL and GEORGE CLOONEY on it. THE FELLOWSHIP is safe of course. 

Another wave appears and turns the ship over. 

THE FELLOWSHIP laughs. 

As the S.S. MINNOW sinks to DAVEY JONES's locker, DR. EVIL appears on the surface of the water. 

DR. EVIL starts to say a "moving" monologue (much like that of "The Perfect Storm") but is suddenly covered and killed by a giant wave. 

THE FELLOWSHIP laughs once again. 

DAVEY JONES: Wohoo! I gets a boat to play with! 

DARTH FLIRT: I'm sure you do. 

Suddenly another wave appears and covers THE FELLOWSHIP knocking them all unconsious. 

THE FELLOWSHIP finally comes to on the beach of a small island somewhere along the river. There is nothing on the beach but a small flag that says "MARAAMU" 

FRODO: Where are we Sam? 

SAM: I don't know Mr. Frodo, but I get the feeling we'll find out soon... 

TO BE CONTINUED...


	5. Reality my Ass!

--------------------------------------------------------------- 

DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written out of a total lack of sanity. 

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them! 

--------------------------------------------------------------- 

The Ultimate Crossover - Part 5 : Reality my Ass! 

Setting: DARTH FLIRT's bedroom... 

DARTH FLIRT: Not MORE threatening letters... Geeze... Who would have thunk that people would actually read that story... 

DARTH FLIRT stares at her computer screen just clicking away. 

DARTH FLIRT: If only they knew the writer's block I was going through!! ARRG!! 

PHONE: BRING! BRING! 

DARTH FLIRT answers the PHONE. 

DARTH FLIRT: Hullo? 

JEDI PIKACHU: HI!!!! 

DARTH FLIRT: Umm... Hi? 

JEDI PIKACHU: It's me!! 

DARTH FLIRT: No... Really... 

JEDI PIKACHU: I was just wondering when I can be in your story?! I have so many plans for it once that happens!!!! 

DARTH FLIRT: Well.. You see... They are sort of stuck on an island right now... 

JEDI PIKACHU: I DON'T CARE!! I WANT TO BE IN THE STORY!!! 

DARTH FLIRT: Woah.. Chill... 

JEDI PIKACHU: Sorry! I got to go! I think I just saw a hot guy!! Bye! 

JEDI PIKACHU hangs up the PHONE. 

DARTH FLIRT: What a ditz... 

DARTH FLIRT hangs up the phone. 

DARTH FLIRT: How am I supposed to write when I don't have any ideas? 

DARTH FLIRT stares blankly at her computer screen (like she usally does). 

The TV mysteriously turns on 

TV: _Next time, on Survivor..._

DARTH FLIRT: THAT'S IT!! 

DARTH FLIRT smiles deviously and starts to type away.... 

Setting: The Mysterious Island..... 

LUKE: Where are we? 

DARTH FLIRT: According to my handy TV Guide... It says you are on Nuku Hiva. 

LUKE: Where is that? 

DARTH FLIRT: In the middle of the pacific ocean. 

SAM: How can you know where we are from that "TV Guide"? 

DARTH FLIRT: Because I decided to throw you all on my Ultimate Survivor Island. 

HEATH: Ooh! Survivor! I love that show!!!!! 

DARTH FLIRT: You won't love it after _I'm_ done.... 

DARTH FLIRT grins evily. 

HEATH gets very scared and runs to hide behind LUKE. 

FRODO: What, may I ask, is this _Survivor_? 

DARTH FLIRT: It's a tacky game show where a bunch of idiots get stranded on an island and get filmed the whole time. 

FRODO: Any _why_ do they do this? 

DARTH FLIRT: I'm not really sure... Supposedly for a million dollars... But you can never be to sure about some of those freaky people.... 

TK: A million dollars!! How can I play!? 

DARTH FLIRT grins evily. 

DARTH FLIRT: All you have to do is stick around. Just remember... The Cameras aren't actually here. Just act like nothing is different... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and disappears in a puff of smoke. 

IKKI: How does she do that? 

TAKATO: I don't know... 

HEATH: Alright now! All we have to do is follow this map to get to our campsite. 

TK: Where did that map come from? 

HEATH: I don't know... It appeared in my hands just as Darth Flirt appeared. 

IKKI: What is with her? 

TK: Do we want to know? 

IKKI: No. 

HEATH: Anyways.. Lets be off! 

ASH: How come you get the map? 

HEATH: I don't know, but if the writer wants it to be this way... I wouldn't want to contradict her... 

ASH: But I want to hold the map. 

HEATH: No. 

FRODO: I've been on a longer journey then any of you! I want to hold the map! 

HEATH and ASH: No! 

HEATH: You're two bloody feel tall! You won't be able to see above the blades of grass! 

ASH: You probably couldn't even lift the map! 

FRODO looks hurt and shocked. SAM's eye is starting to twitch... 

SAM: No one insults Frodo.... 

SAM's eye twitches more as SAM draws his sword. 

HEATH and ASH look very scared. 

SAM slowly walks towards HEATH and ASH. 

SAM jumps up and starts to go YODA on them. (Just like in _Attack of the Clones_.) 

YODA: Learned well you have grasshopper. 

FRODO: Where did you come from? 

YODA: My home this is! 

YODA runs off in the bushes while SAM finishes going YODA on HEATH and ASH. 

HEATH and ASH look mortially wounded. 

SAM: That'll teach them... 

DARTH FLIRT uses her knowledge of THE FORCE to heal HEATH and ASH from her private cloud. 

SAM: What did you do that for?! 

DARTH FLIRT: I still need them arond. Plus I'm the only one allowed to kill anyone off in the fic. 

SAM looks disappointed. 

DARTH FLIRT: Don't worry Sam, I'll let you kill some people later. 

SAM cheers up. 

HEATH and ASH look scared again. 

FRODO: Can I have the map now? 

FRODO does his goldfish eye thing. 

HEATH looks disgusted. 

HEATH: No. 

FRODO pouts, but lets it go because the plot needs to advance sometime in the fic. 

The FELLOWSHIP starts to walk off into the woods. 

SCENERY GUYS quickly run out to change the scenery as the FELLOWSHIP walks away from the beach. 

FRODO: Scenery Guys again? 

SCENERY GUY FRED: Of course. Did you really think Survivor was filmed on a real island? 

HEATH: What?! It was a real island!! 

SCENERY GUY FRED: Of course not! No show that sad could be on a real island... Plus how do you think the Camera Guys went home to see their families? 

CAMERA GUY JIMMY: Yea! Did you actually think they would get people to go on the island along with the morons? I mean.. Survivors? 

DARTH FLIRT: STOP TALKING TO THE CHARACTERS!! 

CAMERA GUY JIMMY, SCENERY GUY BOB, and SCENERY GUY BOB gulp nervously. 

DARTH FLIRT: Now... Back to the story. 

The FELLOWSHIP stares at DARTH FLIRT. 

DARTH FLIRT: What are you looking at? Go back to finding that campsite! The tribal council is tonight and I need you to interact with the Survivors already placed on this island to allow for the entertainment of the readers. 

The FELLOWSHIP starts off again. 

After many hours of travelling, the FELLOWSHIP finds themself back where they started. 

HEATH: It's just around this bend.. I swear! 

TK: That's what you've been saying for the last five hours... 

FRODO: I knew he should have given me the map... 

SAM: Don't worry Mister Frodo, I'll get him back for that... Don't you worry... 

SAM strokes his sword. 

FRODO gives SAM a concerned look. 

SAM continues to glare at HEATH and ASH. 

HEATH: We're almost there... Almost there... 

DARTH FLIRT: Stop kidding yourself Heath... You're back where you started! 

HEATH: No we're not! 

DARTH FLIRT: Don't argue with me... Or you'll end up looking like Luke. 

HEATH shrieks like a girl. 

LUKE: What's wrong with looking like me? 

DARTH FLIRT: COUGH Nothing.... 

DARTH FLIRT does the shifty eye thing. 

DARTH FLIRT: Anywho... This story won't advance if you keep walking around in circles you moron! 

HEATH: Awww... 

DARTH FLIRT: Now hand the map over to me... 

HEATH reluctantly passes the map over to DARTH FLIRT. 

DARTH FLIRT: What the... you morons are on the wrong side of the island! How could you get so lost?! 

THE FELLOWSHIP blushes and looks shamefully at their feet. 

DARTH FLIRT (To Self): Nothing but fools on this island... Sheesh... 

DARTH FLIRT: Anyways, you morons are wasting too much of the stories plot. So I'll just put you where you need to be now. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and THE FELLOWSHIP appears in a small clearing. 

DARTH FLIRT: Now children... Play nice. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps again and she disappears. 

THE FELLOWSHIP realizes that they are now surrounded by 8 past survivors... 

HEATH: WOW!! IT'S THE PAST SURVIVORS!!! AHH!! 

HEATH does a ditzy scream. 

ALL stare at HEATH. 

HEATH: What? 

BRANDON: Oh my god!! It's Heath Ledger! 

BRANDON acts like a fruit (basically normal). BRANDON does the gay hand thing. 

BRANDON: I am like, such a fan of yours. 

HEATH: Really? I thought you were the best Survivor in the third one. 

BRANDON: Really? Wow. Thanks, your such a nice guy. 

BRANDON does the gay hand thing again. 

TK (to everyone but HEATH and the SURVIVORS): Is it just me... Or are they scarey? 

IKKI: I thought they were being normal. 

TK: ... Well, you're right there. 

MIKE: Anyways, if you gays.. I mean guys, are done flirting... I mean talking, could we show our new guests to the camp? 

LEX: That sounds like a good idea. 

LEX looks around suspiciously, then leads THE FELLOWSHIP and the other SURVIVORS into the woods. 

THE FELLOWSHIP soon arrives in a new clearing, this time it looks like a campsite. 

FRODO: My, what a fine camp site you have here. 

COLBY: Why thanks. 

JERRI: Oh Colby... You are so hot... Like chocolate... And sex... 

FRODO looks scared. SAM glares at JERRI for scaring FRODO. 

MIKE: Stop talking over there! We have duties to do! 

COLBY: Sorry. 

GABRIEL (From Survivor 4) starts trying to rap. JOHN (Survivor 4) starts cooking and acting like a male nurse. BRANDON (Survivor 3) starts trying on dresses. LEX (Survivor 3) tries to find who voted for him. KIMMI (Survivor 2) tries to protect the fish from being caught. JERRI (Survivor 2) attaches herself to COLBY (Survivor 2) who is trying to get away from her. MIKE (Survivor 2) is currently attenting to the fire. 

THE FELLOWSHIP looks at them shocked. 

MIKE: You guys! Get to work! 

TAKATO: How come he is bossing us around? 

LUKE: I don't wanna be bossed around.... 

TK: I dare someone to push him in the fire. 

MEDABOT: Your On. 

MEDABOT sneaks behind MIKE and pushes him into the fire. 

MIKE: AHH!! The paper fire is burning me!! Ahh! Ahh! 

DARTH FLIRT: Didn't I tell you children to play nice? 

THE FELLOWSHIP looks shamefull. 

DARTH FLIRT: Oh well... Not like I could afford a real fire anyways.. I'll just have to get rid of Mike. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and MIKE disappears from on top of the paper fire. 

DARTH FLIRT: Now, find something to occupy yourselves while I try to develop the plot line. 

THE FELLOWSHIP sits on logs around the campfire and stare at eachother. 

DARTH FLIRT: You people (and hobbits, medabots, digimon, and pokemon) are sad. 

FELLOWSHIP: We know. 

Several hours pass. Nothing happened in this time, other then the fact that BRANDON hit on every guy in THE FELLOWSHIP, but what else is new? 

BRANDON'S GAY FRIEND: Don't make fun of my Brandy-poo!! 

DARTH FLIRT: Ewww... 

DARTH FLIRT sticks a burning splint up BRANDON'S GAY FRIEND. 

BRANDON'S GAY FRIEND pops then explodes. 

DARTH FLIRT: Hmm... I guess he's full of hydrogen... 

DARTH FLIRT suddenly remembers that she is in the middle of writing a story and decides to continue the plot... 

Setting: 2 hours later... 

HEATH has mysteriously grown a full beard already. FRODO and SAM look dead from hunger. EVERYONE is starving. 

HEATH: FooooooOOOOoooooood!! 

LEX (to self): Maybe his hunger made him vote for me... 

Suddenly, some rustling is heard from the bushes. 

IKKI: What was that! 

MEDABEE: Medabee's not afraid of anything! 

IKKI: That's nice Medabee... 

Then, a VOICE is heard from the same bushes. 

VOICE: No! Don't make me go out there! They look hungry! 

DARTH FLIRT: Get out there! No one has been killed in the chapter but Mike and Brandon's gay friend! 

VOICE: Don't make me please! 

SAM: I know that voice... It's Mel Gibson!!! 

FRODO: But didn't he get eaten by a dragon? 

TK: Stranger things have happened... 

TK motions to BRANDON holding tightly onto COLBY's leg and JERRI trying to get BRANDON off to hold onto COLBY's leg herself. 

FRODO: Point taken. 

Suddenly, a CHICKEN appears out of the bush. 

VOICE (AKA the CHICKEN): Eeep. 

TAKATO: That's not Mel Gibson! 

CHICKEN: Mel who? My name's Rocky! 

EVERYONE starts to drool at tasty looking ROCKY (except KIMMI who is still busy protecting fish). 

ROCKY: Eeep. 

EVERYONE jumps on top of ROCKY. 

Setting: 20 minutes later... 

EVERYONE is sitting around a fire eating a finely roasted chicken. 

KIMMI: What are you eating that poor chicken!! 

HEATH: Because it's good... 

KIMMI: That's cruelty to animals! Don't eat the chicken! 

SAM: Why would you not want to eat a chicken as fine tasting as this?! It's almost as good as the chicken they served in the Prancing Pony. 

KIMMI: That is so cruel! 

DARTH FLIRT tips a tup of acid over KIMMI. 

DARTH FLIRT then sits down and starts to eat with EVERYONE. 

DARTH FLIRT: Mmm... this is some mighty fine chicken. 

ALL stare at DARTH FLIRT. 

DARTH FLIRT: What? She was annoying the readers! 

ALL nod in understandment and go back to eating ROCKY... I mean... the chicken. 

LEX jumps up. 

DARTH FLIRT: Where are you going? 

LEX: I don't know... I had a sudden urge to jump up and run into the bushes... 

DARTH FLIRT checks what she is typing. 

DARTH FLIRT: Ah yes... That makes sence.... Go on then... 

LEX runs off into the bushes. 

VOICES: Who you? 

LEX: I'm Lex... Who are you? 

VOICES: We Cannibals. 

LEX: That's cool... 

Silence. 

LEX: So you say you're cannibals... 

CANNIBALS: Grunt. 

VARIOUS SCREAMS are heard from the bushes. 

DARTH FLIRT: Heh heh heh.... 

DARTH FLIRT looks at her watch. 

DARTH FLIRT: Egads! This story has been draging on for a long time... Maybe I should finish this chapter... 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and the sky turns from day to night. 

DARTH FLIRT: Alright Survivors... Get to the tribal council so I can continue the plot! 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and disappears. 

TK: I hate it when she does that... 

PIKACHU: Pi-Pika... 

ASH (to TK): What is Pikchu saying? 

TK rolls eyes. 

THE FELLOWSHIP and THE SURVIVORS set off to tribal council. 

SCENERY GUY BOB, SCENERY GUY FRED and CAMERA GUY JIMMY follow them. 

SCENERY GUY FRED: Slow down! I can't move the scenery that fast! 

ALL stop. (Except ASH) 

ASH walked in to camera CAMERA GUY JIMMY is holding. 

CAMERA GUY JIMMY: Watch where you're walking! 

ASH: I didn't think the camera was supposed to get in our way... 

CAMERA GUY JIMMY: You're supposed to IGNORE us... 

DARTH FLIRT: Scenery Guy Bob, Scenery Guy Fred and Camera Guy Jimmy! Stop talking to the cast! 

CAMERA GUY JIMMY, SCENERY GUY BOB and SCENERY GUY FRED: Sorry... 

DARTH FLIRT: Now, all of you get moving again! 

ALL start moving again. 

Setting: 5 minutes later... 

FRODO: Are we there yet? 

GABRIEL: No. 

SAM: Are we there yet? 

JOHN: No. 

FRODO and SAM: Are we there yet? 

GABRIEL and JOHN: NO! 

FRODO and SAM: Oh... 

FRODO: Are we there yet? 

Setting: 2 hours later... 

FRODO and SAM: Are we there yet? 

GABRIEL and JOHN: YES! 

FRODO: Are we ther - We are? 

FELLOWSHIP and SURVIVORS walk into hastily put together tribal council area. 

JEFF: Welcome back to tribal council survivors.... Wait a second... Why are there more of you? 

DARTH FLIRT: I can answer that one. 

JEFF jumps. 

JEFF: AHH!! Where did you come from? 

DARTH FLIRT shrugs. 

DARTH FLIRT: Does that really matter? Anyways, I threw some more people on the island just for the hell of it. 

JEFF: Ah, that makes sence. Wait... Who are you? 

TK: She's Darth Flirt, the writer of this story. 

JEFF: Since when is this a story? 

ASH: Since ever. 

JEFF: ... Really? How come I wasn't informed on her writing this? 

DARTH FLIRT: Because I hate you... And your the worst host ever!! 

JEFF runs away crying. 

DARTH FLIRT: Gawd he's annoying... Anyways... I guess I'll be the host of this show now... 

DARTH FLIRT grins evily. 

EVERYONE cowers. 

DARTH FLIRT: Anyways, I'm too lazy to ask questions so.... On with the voting!! 

SURVIVORS and FELLOWSHIP run over to voting booth and try to cram in. 

DARTH FLIRT: STOP IT FOOLS!! ONE AT A TIME PLEASE!!! 

SURVIVORS and FELLOWSHIP: Oh.... Right.... 

SURVIVORS and FELLOWSHIP take their seats. 

Setting: The Voting Booth... 

FRODO walks into booth and starts to write a name down. 

FRODO holds name up. 

FRODO: I'm voting for myself. I WANT OFF THIS ISLAND!!! 

FRODO folds up papter, puts it in box and leaves. 

SAM walks up and starts to write name on paper. 

SAM holds paper up. 

SAM: I'm voting for Heath... I'm pretty sure he wants Mr. Frodo... 

SAM glares at nothing. 

SAM puts paper in box and leaves. 

HEATH walks up and writes a name on the paper. 

HEATH holds up paper. 

HEATH: I'm voting off Brandon.. His gayness is just creepy... 

HEATH puts paper away and leaves. 

LUKE walks in and writes a name on the paper. 

LUKE holds up paper. 

LUKE: I'm voting off Camera Guy Jimmy... I think he's stalking me... 

CAMERA GUY JIMMY: You can't vote me off! I'm a crew member! 

LUKE: Meh. 

LUKE leaves booth. 

IKKI walks up with MEDABEE behind him. 

IKKI writes a name down on the paper and holds it up. 

IKKI: I'm voting off Medabee... He doesn't listen to me at all!! 

IKKI puts paper in bin and starts to walk away. 

As IKKI is leaving, MEDABEE sneaks up and starts to write a name down. 

IKKI turns around and sees MEDABEE writing. 

IKKI: Medabee! you're an inanimate obect! You don't get a vote! 

MEDABEE: But you voted for me! 

IKKI: ....so? Now, lets get back before Darth Flirt smites us... 

DARTH FLIRT: Good plan. 

IKKI and MEDABEE cower then leave. 

THE REST of the cast each take their turns voting and elaboration would be included if I a) Wan't too lazy and b) This story wasn't dragging on even longer then it should be. 

JEFF: Phew, finally... About time you fools got done voting. 

DARTH FLIRT: Weren't you just crying a second ago? 

JEFF: So? 

DARTH FLIRT: Ah well. Looks like you get to play host again then. 

JEFF: Crap... 

DARTH FLIRT: Do it... 

JEFF: Eep! Looks like I'll read the votes then. Lemme see... 1 vote for Heath... 

HEATH glares around room. 

JEFF: One vote for Brandon.. 

BRANDON: That, like so can't be true.. 

JEFF: One vote for an inanimate object... 

METABEE punches IKKI. 

IKKI: Ow! 

JEFF: One vote for Camera Guy Jimmy... Wait a second.. You can't vote for a crewmember or an inanimate object! 

JEFF throws out the two votes. 

JEFF: And the rest are for the entire fellowship?! What? 

DARTH FLIRT: You heard me. 

JEFF: This game is screwed... I'm leaving to go host Rock and Roll Jeopardy! 

DARTH FLIRT: Ew... That show _actually_ exists? 

JEFF: Don't make fun of me! 

JEFF runs off crying again. 

DARTH FLIRT rolls eyes. 

DARTH FLIRT: Wuss.... Now Fellowship! Follow me to an un-fated cruise ship ironically named the Titanic! 

SURVIVORS: What! They get to go to an un-fated cruise ship! 

DARTH FLIRT: Yup. And you get to stay here and slowly die... Have fun! 

DARTH FLIRT leads the FELLOWSHIP to the docking bay. 

DARTH FLIRT: Here's your ship! Have fun. 

DARTH FLIRT grins evily. 

DARTH FLIRT snaps and disappears. 

HEATH: What's so scarey about this un-fated cruise ship? 

TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
